The comedy of porn spam

Porn spam is once again on the rise. Here's a summary of what I'm seeing these days broken down in to neat categories.


Confusing

New start out specific nest of y0ung girls

I wasn't aware that young girls lived in nests. I wonder what they build them out of? I'm guessing discarded cloth, twigs and saliva. That web site probably isn't safe for work viewing, that idea makes Japanese porn seem boring.

Brutal d01ls worldwide

Not sure this is porn actually, I think I already own one of these brutal dolls. It's a toy (okay, it's a doll) based on a the character Grom Hellscream. A pretty brutal toy even if his rubber axe has a habit of bending a bit.


Success!

(This is a series of spam emails who's subjects always consist of "Success, ". This has led to subject likes "Success, world war" (yeah, we're all happy when another of those comes along), "Success, way freight" and so on.

Subject: Success, writing lesson

Your cre dit doesn't matter to us! If you OWN real est ate
and want IMMEDIATEK cash to spend ANY way you like, or simply wish
to LOWER your monthly paym ents by a third or more, here are the dea ls
we have TODAY (hurry, these ofers will expre TONIGHT):

$488,000.00 at a 3.67,% fixed-rateL
$372,000.00 at a 3.90,% variable-rateA
$492,000.00 at a 3.21,% interest-onlyS
$248,000.00 at a 3.36,% fixed-rate1
$198,000.00 at a 3.55,% variable-rateY

Hurry, when these deals are gone, they are gone Simply fill out this one-min ute form...

Don't worry about approval, your cre dit will not disqualify you!

I think they spoke to early. I'm happy that the spam writer considers their writing lessons to be a success but on reading their mail I doubt they were paying much attention in class. Mind you, a they aren't as stupid as the twats who'd fall for such an obvious scam.

"Wow, a bank I've never heard of before sent me an email typed by baboons and proof-read by a professional footballer which promised me a mortage without knowing where I live, who I am or what my current financial situation is. I'd better be quick and go to this web site and give them my personal financial details including my bank account number and any other information a criminal would need to rob me blind. Reminds me, I need to buy some lottery tickets later, better stop at the fortune teller to see what numbers I'll use."


Mum?

These are emails from a chap who's mother and girlfriend add up to fewer than two people. Problem still only two if you add his sister. They're particularly amusing since they seem like very poorly translated lyrics from a hentai film theme tune.

Withb my shot on inside mothers rear wide outlet I had eat seeds running falling out of her.

Okay, the idea itself is pretty unpleasant but you've got to enjoy the English. Rear wide outlet? Does anyone in the world actually refer to their arse in this way or does his mother have some kind of special arse that alone deserves this name?

Because with mome indeed allows
myself to desrtoy all enters with strongr attacks.

They're keeping it in the family still but what the fuck are they keeping in the family? I am honestly baffled by this text.

A scammer who can carve wood?

This story is amazing. 419baiters managed to get a scammer to carve them some wooden models (in the hopes of obtaining a grant). I won't go in to much detail here since you really need to read this from start to finish to appreciate it.

Scammer got wood

Does your 'GF' talk about you?

This email is hysterical.

From:
Subject: is ur GF happy
Date: 5 March 2006 12:26:33 GMT
To: (Removed)
Cc: (Removed a number of .mac addresses)

Good evening Thierry,

Listen to this, Vicente told me a couple days ago that ur gf been not
satified about u in the bedroom. I can assist with that. Visit here
(URL removed). I've been using them for a years now
and nothing but good things for them.

experiences can easily be related to and will forever link Holden with
every member . regretted their actions because they found themselves on the
verge of bankruptcy and it made them very vulnerable to European invasion.
The

Hope is was of some help
Sarita

So Thierry's girlfriend doesn't like his horizontal mambo, spoke to Vicentre about it (that's nice of her), Vicente then spoke to Sarita who is now advising Thierry on how can can add some thrust to his pocket-rocket. This has all the makings of a Jerry Springer show.

Thierry: Well bitch, don't you be telling mah homies 'bout mah wang, know what I'm sayin'?
Girlfriend: Well don't you be not satisfying me dog, know what I'm sayin'?
Audience: Woooooooooooo
Chair: Look, will someone just pick me up and throw me PLEASE!!!

New act of terrorism in New York

This is my first trojan I think. Here's the email.

From: news@bbc.com
Subject: New act of terrorism in New York
Date: 6 March 2006 15:10:57 GMT
To:

Today the FBI has informed new act of terrorism in New York.
Look details in an applied file.

The email carried a zip file containing a mysterious executable which I assume to be a trojan. It's fairly easy to see that this email wasn't sent by the BBC since the English is so absolutely piss-poor.

What's up claude?

Adverts for web sites selling counterfeit watches seem to be popular at the moment. Here's an example. The English in this mail is particularly amusing.

"What's up Claude

I just got off the phone with my boss, who says "howdy," and she wanted to
talk with us about an incredible vendor she heard about at


She disclosed to me that this website brags a great selection and good
prices that disrepute our nearby venue!

I'm excited about exalting your new job this weekend!

You guys should go on the internet and start shopping immediately and
desist this foolishness of getting ripped off at our old venue!

no worries
ebrehem"

buy cails-rtabs without embarrassment

Blimey this is the most bizarre spam I've ever seen.

Seems it's a nice service that allows you to buy viagra-type medication online to avoid the embarrassment of having to go to shop and buy it from a licenced literate professional.

It's bloody embarassing opening the email though. Included in the email is a large logo with a photo of a giant erect dick in the middle of it. Opening this email at work was not much fun.

Call me old-fashioned but I'm not buying anything advertised in spam and certainly not when they include a giant dick in the email. Surely it would have been enough to simply describe the effects of the shite they're peddling.

The URL being advertised is inchoice.net. This domain is registered to an address in Bulgaria. The web site has been unreachable now for a few days yet the spam continues. This is one thing I love about spam. It's so cheap to send and so even if it's pointless, as in this case advertising a web site that doesn't work, they'll keep sending it. Thousands of people get bothered and ultimately for no reason.

Interesting new approach to spam - fake conversations

I've noticed a new method being used by spammers. Take a look at this.

From:
Subject: FW: Adorn your wrist with a luxurious renowned wrist accessory.
Date: 31 December 2005 02:41:12 GMT
To:
Reply-To:

What's new,

I know you soundly enough to see that you are obsessed with moderately
priced luxuries, so come by this web page!

See you tonight,

Meira

-------Original Message-------

From: Giamo [mailto:]
Sent: Saturday, December 24, 2005 9:41 AM
To: Meira
Subject:

How is your day, Meira

You're a savvy lady and you deserve to have gorgeous items. You've been
working so hard; you actually deserve a chic looking time piece to show off
all your success.


I can just visualize the overjoyed look on your face when you receive your
order. Not only are the prices reasonable, but this web page has real time
tracking, as well.

Well, I fell upon an e store that has lots of excellent ones and I honestly
think you should stop by.


lack the moon is maintain two hostility hours in the sky. Then will I make
During thunder the duckling grotesque football dance
shadow has gone by. As for me, I scrutinized part your face once, send and
it




Giamo

Now here's what this email is about. The bit at the bottom was marked as coming from my address, therefore making it look like it was me who originally sent an advert for the web site to Meira. The top bit is the fake reply to the fake original where Meira for some curious reason to invite me to visit the web site mentioned in the original mail, which appears to have come from me.

Why do they do this? I presume it's to trick mail admins. When I report this as spam, the mail admin who looks at the mail could well thing that I initiated the contact myself. It's an interesting new approach.

I've noticed a general increase in emails where the sender pretends to be my friend. Of course the language they use is just like Meira's, bloody weird for want of a better phrase. It reads like a poorly translated statement taken from a drunk marketing executive.

The email above was advertising an online store in China that sells replica watches. The URL of the site is desiredspecalshere.com. I'd strong advise against buying anything from this site. If anyone is considering purchasing online from a web site hosted in China, you may as well just send the money to my PayPal account. You'll get nothing in return from me but at least I'm honest about it.

Can this person be any more illiterate?

This spam is great, just received it earlier today. They follow the golden rule of spamvertising.

Golden rule number 1

When trying to persuade complete strangers around the world to buy a product, never use a spell-checker. Your customers will be impressed that you spend so much time finding them bargains that you simply don't have time to write like an adult.

Lime ited Time Oaffer. Go gruab it today.
Every watch we carry is of the highest equa lity ore plica grade available. We take pride in oof fering our customers quality watch es that no one will even know it is a arep lica.

Bauy 2 or more watches from ANY category or brands from our website and receive a 25% discount automatically on BOTH watches.

Find rueplicas, roeplica name brand watches, waitches for women and men. Solid gold wautches available at discount, wholesale pr! ses! Give the gift of time. Visit us today and place your 0 erder.


COiPY the Addreiss below and paste in your weib broiwser:

[URL REMOVED]


will work for 48 hrs.

Simply wonderful! Is it the web site or the watches that will work for 48 hours?